I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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