So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize