I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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