thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
