i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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