Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
