I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize