Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
