Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize