i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You can't special order awesome
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
