i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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