dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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