I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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