At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize