Don't make out with my wife yet
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Someone signed my nipple.
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