since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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