peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
