Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
