I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
