I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
