just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
