I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
