my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
