this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
