Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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