omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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