Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
