I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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