Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
