Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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