I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
