he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
