NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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