Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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