believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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