Midget sex pt 2 tonight
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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