sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize