we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
