i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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