Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
