She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
