my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
