last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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