On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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