Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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