genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
