Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
