i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
tell me about the eggs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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