tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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