His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
