i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
