last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
