How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
