your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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