i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
