32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize