Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
