Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
