i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
