is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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