my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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