All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's the barista slut.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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