do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
