New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
