she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
