You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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