I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
