i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
