I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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