remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
