left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
