Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
