I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
