i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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