eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
