You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
one two three fourrrrnication!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
