Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize