I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
