so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
this is an emotional support booty call
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
