420 ftw
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
