they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
