Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
