Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
