I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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