It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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