Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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