I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
