I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i now understand why vodka
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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