we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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