some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
