dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
