do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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