Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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