he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
