You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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