I just saw a hot homeless man
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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