Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
