I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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