You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
