Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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