pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
