And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
