I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
