Apparently you make a good broom.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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