i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
