I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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