Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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