Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
