I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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