plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
