She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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